This is Why You're NOT Happy

Transcript

I believe that you probably do not know how to live a consistent, fulfilling, happy life. By happy life I mean one where you wake up every day grateful, where you have connected relationships, where you are feeling successful in whatever way that that means to you. I believe that you're probably struggling with this right now. Why is it that so many people are challenged to live a happy life and to find lasting happiness? There are so many different reasons.

One is that our brain has a negativity bias, which is really unfortunate. Our brain does not know what makes us happy. And we, as we were evolving over time, our brain wants us to survive. So, our brain is constantly looking for fear. It's constantly looking out for things that could potentially harm us or hurt us. Our brain has a negativity bias, and that prevents us from being happier.

Also, the media steers us wrong consistently. Look at the news for example, there is no positive stories on the news, or if so, very little of it. The media wants us to believe that if we have this car we will be happy, if we have this house we will be happy, if we have this title we will be happy, if we go on these vacations, if we spend this money we'll be happy. And the news is telling us be scared. So, just those two combined make it really challenging to be happy as a human being.

Also, many of us did not have parents who, let's just say, steered us in the right direction in terms of happiness. You might have had parents that said, "Go school, then go to university, find a job, move up the ladder in this company or in a few different companies, find the man or the woman of your dreams, get married, have kids, and after all that, guess what, you're going to be so happy."Well, guess what? That's not always the journey that leads us to happiness. And in many cases the story and the direction that your parents or your grandparents told you, isn't actually the right journey for you.

Also, culturally and in our society we are told many different things on how to be, how to live, what to do, what not to do. And many of these directions that we're given actually make us less happy because they're not right for us. Happiness is a personal journey. You might not be happy right now because of fear. Fear of what will happen if you do this, what will happen if you get out of your comfort zone, what will happen if you leave your corporate job, what will happen if you don't parent the way that we're told to parent.

People, and you might be one of these people, might not be willing to get out of your comfort zone. The path of least resistance is the easy path. And a happy life takes work and takes effort, just like anything in life. People are so willing to put in the work and the hours and the dedication to achieve financial stability, to achieve financial success, yet, so many people are not willing to put in the work and the effort and create habits to lead a consistent, healthy life. It's not just something that you do and then you're there and you don't ever have to put effort in. Nothing in life is like that. Why would you think happiness is the same?

There is also so many myths and misconceptions around happiness. One of the largest ones, the most prevalent ones is that happy people are happy all the time. Or let me put it another way. Many people believe that happy life is one that is void of pain. Every single person on earth feels pain, except for maybe psychopaths, which you are not one of those. Everyone else has pain. We all have stress and anger and anxiety and fear and sadness and grief and guilt and many others. The human life experience is like this.

So, you might go through a period of your life where you're feeling depressed. I've been there. I've had many cycles. And yet, we're there, and so we think, "Oh, we're not happy. Well, I can't be a happy person if I'm going through depression, or if I'm in this bout of sadness or if I'm riddled with guilt or if I have so much anxiety about the future. If I have all of these emotions, I must not be happy." No, no, no. You can have a happy life and have those emotions. Those emotions mean, guess what, you're a human being. Welcome. Welcome, welcome. You're a human being. We are just not taught about emotional wellbeing. We're not taught how to savor and grow those pleasant emotions and how to have a healthy relationship with the plain ones.

What happens if you don't prioritize your happiness? What happens if you don't know how to live a consistent, happy life? For one, your immune system, your physical body is going to tell you. The mind and the body are 100% connected. They are never ever separated. So, you might start having aches and pains, maybe in your shoulders, maybe in your back. You might start having chronic pain or consistent pain. Maybe you'll have trouble sleeping. Maybe you will have trouble with your digestion. You also are going to struggle in your relationships. So, if you are not happy, how are you going to be this fantastic leader or executive at work or this incredible sales professional?

You are also going to struggle in your personal life. You're not happy, your marriage is going to struggle, your partnerships are going to struggle, your friendships might be challenged. And it's really hard to be an awesome parent, I have two daughters, it's really hard to be an awesome parent when you're not happy. What else? You have all of these different goals. You have all of these different intentions, these aspirations for your life. It could be health and wellness goals. It could be career goals, relationship goals. It could be goals for your spiritual practice. You might have goals on how you want to touch the community, how you want to help the planet, how you want to help humanity. And one of your goals might be as small as, "I want to wake up in the morning with energy and vitality. I want to have energy when I wake up."

When you are not happy it is extremely difficult to move forward towards any of those goals. The science has proven that when you come from a happy place, when you're starting from a happy place, you are going to be more successful in all areas of your life. There is a direct connection between happiness and success. You also might struggle to find your purpose, to live a life of contentment. You might struggle to have enough energy and to have enough inside of you to give to others, whether it be people, animals, or the planet. It needs to start with you. And it must be a priority in your life.

Let me teach you some different tactics that you can use right now, starting today, right after you watch this video, that will allow you to increase your happiness and create a sustainable happy life. I could probably talk to you for six weeks. I'm not going to do that on this video, but I want to leave you with some takeaways. So, put these in your phone or write them down. You're at the happiness gym right now. How can you live a happy life?

The number one predictor of happiness is connected relationships. So, this means spending time with people that you care about and who care about you. The happiest countries on earth are Scandinavia, countries like Norway and Finland and Denmark, and they spend time daily with their friends and family. How much time are you spending with your friends and family? Do an evaluation over the past seven days. Was it two hours? Was it three hours? Was it half an hour? How much time are you spending with your friends and family? So, you want to increase your happiness? Start there.

Also, your physical body directly impacts how happy you are. So, you need to be exercising 25 minutes a day, at least four days a week. You need to be eating on average five to seven servings of fruits and vegetables every single day. You need to be drinking gallons of water every single day. You need to be stretching and you need to be sleeping. Adults, according to the neuroscience research, need at least seven to nine hours a night consistently. And you can't catch up on the weekend. It's not beauty sleep, it is happiness sleep. So, think about what you're doing with your physical body and know that directly connects to you how happy you are.

Giving and generosity. The Dalai Lama says so much of our unhappiness comes from focusing too much on ourself. So, in your circle of family and friends, are there people you can help? In your community, are there people or animals that you can help? And it doesn't need to be financial. It could be your time. What are your strengths, and how can you help others? And by helping others, you're going to make yourself happier. So, it is a complete win-win. If everyone in the world did this all of the time, just consciousness would be raised, and these seven plus billion people would all rise together. So, giving is a huge one.

Another is learning and growing. So, as I mentioned, I have two daughters. Kids spent all day everyday learning and crawling. They're like sponges. We know this. I think that's why they're so happy. They're just learning, learning, learning, learning. Adults also need to learn and grow. So, what do you want to learn right now? And it can be anything. You can learn your boss's job. You can learn a new language. You can learn guitar. You can learn how to cook. You can learn how to be a public speaker. You can learn how to write a book. You can learn how to build an online business, a side hustle. You can learn about history. You can learn anything.

And the great part about being alive today is that information is just available to you. TED Talks and online courses and Google and books, and ... It's just available. So, dedicate time each week to learning and growing. I also want you to get really connected to your values. What are your values? And if you're not sure, you can find lists of values on the internet. Bernay Brown has a great list of just all of these different values. And figure out what are your top five values and see how you can align your daily life to your values.

Those are some happiness tips. I have many more, but grab one or two of those now and start working on elevating your own happiness and committing to this happiness journey. If you want to learn some more from me, right now, I have a complimentary Mini Happiness Class on my website, arrive@happy.com, where you can learn how to reframe stress and have stress recovery. There's a video about increasing optimism, how to really cultivate more emotional wellbeing, how to be more positive while working, I think we can all use that, and also, how to have a more flexible and healthy brain. So, go to arrive@happy.com and check out the complimentary Mini Happiness Class.

If you like this video, please subscribe to the Tia Graham YouTube channel, share it with your friends and family. I am going to have a new video every Friday morning at 10:00 AM Pacific just for you all about increasing your personal happiness and all about happiness at work. Hope to see you next week.