Crimson Rock Capital - Dionis Rodriguez
Podcast Summary
This is episode number 64 with Dionis Rodriguez, managing partner at Crimson Rock Capital, co-founder of Sojourner Glamping and author of Shift Your Paradigm. In this episode, you are going to learn how your paradigm works and the first steps to start shifting it and changing your life and career for the better. You will also learn how to increase your self-awareness and what judging yourself and judging others really means.
Dionis’ experiences and personal stories are incredible and so inspirational. He has held multiple positions for organizations including AIG Global Real Estate, AMSTAR and Optimist Hotel Partners. He's an investor and advisor to multiple different companies, and I am obsessed with his new company that he's currently fundraising for, Sojourner glamping. It is incredible. And I also think everyone should read his book.
I met Dionis through my amazing husband, Jim, as they're connected through Harvard Business School, and I know you are going to get so much value from this episode.
Enjoy the show.
Contact Information for Dionis Rodriguez
Transcript
Tia Graham: Hi Dionis.
Dionis Rodriguez: Hi Tia.
Tia Graham: Thank you so much for coming on the show. I am excited for everyone to learn from you and be inspired by you.
Dionis Rodriguez: and I'm so happy to be here. This is so much fun for me. So thank you so much for the opportunity.
Tia Graham: So for everyone listening, Dionis has an incredible background, as you just heard, and is also working on some very exciting new projects, and hopefully I'll have him back in the future.
But what we're gonna talk about today is his incredible book, which all of you need to listen to or purchase, and it is called Shift Your Paradigm, and the subtitle is just as valuable: empower your life and unlock your true hidden potential. And I just, I wanna say, I'll say it again at the end, but it is a must read.
I, I've underlined and starred so many aspects of the book. So, Dionis, let me start off by asking you, I know that you had these, these different experiences where you grew so much, you learned so much, even after you had reached pinnacles of success. What made you want to write a book and actually put pen to paper and get this out into the world?
Dionis Rodriguez: Sure. I think that's a great question. I mean, I was, um, I was heavily focused on academics like throughout my entire life, so I always wanted to write a book. But I think there were mainly two catalysts. The first was, um, you know, the very difficult experience that I went through, uh, that I, I mentioned the book, which was very disempowering for me.
And, you know, it was my first failure. Um, and when, when that happened, um, I just don't know what happened to me. I was full, I was hopeless, and I, you know, I didn't know what to do, right? So, um, and looking back, that was probably one of the best things that ever happened to me. Yeah. I was able to meaningfully increase my self-awareness and realize the source of my power.
By doing that, then I felt, all right, well, I have a story to tell where I can help others that have gone through a similar situation to empower themselves.
Right, and then second, when I became the, the chairman of the board of an organization called Teaching Matters. Um, I, um, that organization, what they do is, uh, they coach teachers to be better teachers. I had mentored kids for a very long time, uh, and I feel like I had done it unsuccessfully because a lot of these kids have a tremendous amount of capability, but they just don't see it. They don't know it. They, they have a lot of limiting beliefs that prevent them from going out there and the best version of themselves.
So when I became chairman of the board of Teaching Matters, I felt that there was an opportunity for me to scale that. So, I'm gonna go out there, I'm gonna be the chairman of the board of this teaching organization. Well, I should go out there and try to scale, uh, my impact on the world as well.
Tia Graham: I love it. I love it. So let's get right into it. Shifting your paradigm. Many people listening aren't sure what their paradigm is. So for someone who hasn't used this term, this isn't part of their life yet, tell us what this is and why. It's really important to understand your paradigm. Before you can shift it, you have to first understand.
Dionis Rodriguez: Sure, so, you know, we use a lot of different words to, to talk about paradigm. We say perspective, we say point of views, we say mindsets, right? But basically what your paradigm is, is how you see the world, right? And it's the accumulation of all of your past, your experiences, your conversations, you know, your thinking everything that allows you to see the world in a very specific perspective. And that includes a lot of like really good things and a lot of really bad things, like all the traumas, right? So your paradigm is effectively, I call it a computer mainframe of how we make decisions, how we create emotions, how we are who we are, right? But the challenge with the paradigm is that, you know, we're never taught to acknowledge it, right?
So what happens is that we normally are just reacting to the world, right? And that's really what I found out with that, that failure basically, you know, forced me to wake up and acknowledge that I had a paradigm, that I was responsible for how I saw the world, and how I used, you know, my perspective or my paradigm to, to either be disempowered, to empower myself and, and to add value to the world.
So it's effectively the glasses that you have on that allow you. to see the world in the way that you do. And if you become aware of your paradigm, you have the ability to change those glasses and you know, to use one of your go-tos to be happy. Right to, you can choose to be a happy leader if you, if you understand that your paradigm controls happiness.
Tia Graham: Oh my gosh, you dropped some gold there. Okay. First question is then I'm gonna come to, to what you said. First question is, what about, how do our genetics play a part into our paradigm, our mindset, how we see the world, our perspective?
Dionis Rodriguez: Our genetics, well, we, you know, all of us humans are still sort of like operating with an outdated mental model or tribal model. So yeah, we're, we're sort of like reacting to the world just like we did like 200,000 years ago, right? When we became human. So a lot of it is definitely genetic. Like we have two, two processes that work, right? We have a system, one process and system, one process, uh, basically, allows you to make automatic decisions so that you're not overwhelmed by everything that's happening.
And then we have a system two process, which only happens 2% of the time, but that's where your self-awareness and awareness comes about. Yeah. So we're programmed, if you will, to react to the world, you know, by using one of those two processes. We use system one most of the time because I think humans only have the capability of making about 35 decisions a day. Right? So a lot of them are automatic, right?
Tia Graham: Yes. Oh yeah! We make thousands. We only think about, yeah, what you're gonna eat for breakfast, what you're gonna do next at work.
Dionis Rodriguez: Right. So if you think of like the, the term that we use, muscle memory, right, or habits or things like that, that's all part of system one, uh, thinking, which, which is part of the, the genetic side.But there's a ton of things that happens that are, are outside of your genetic makeup that meaningfully impact how you see life, right? I mean, your parents, for example, right? Yeah. How, how did your parents raise you? Were you raised by two parents, by one, by a father, by a mother, or both? Right. The color.
Tia Graham: How did they act? How did they treat you? How did they communicate?
Dionis Rodriguez: How they treat you? Were they over protective like I was a helicopter parent for, for a long time, and that has a very significant, you know, repercussions on, on how that child sees the world. So I had to like, take a step back. Right. There are many other things, religion, um, the color of your skin, how tall you are. Gender. I mean, there's so many factors that really impact, you know, how you see yourself and the world, that can be create limiting beliefs and or, or be empowering for you if you're wealthy or if you're poor. Right. Like many other factors.
Tia Graham: And there's so many components. Yes. So, we are meaning making machines.
We're reactive, right? There’s all these different things happening to us. Um, and so you talk so much about, you know, self-awareness, right? Is, is you first have to be self-aware, so, for people listening who are just going a thousand miles a minute, right? With work, with kids, with trying to exercise with, you know, then their marriage and there's the whirlwind of, busy corporate life, right?
What is your advice for people who you know, are having challenges? Maybe they are too reactive in some way, or they're having relational challenges, or they're not getting the business results that they want, right? There's things in their life that aren't, um, ideal and they wanna change it. What's your advice for, how do you start this process of prioritizing self-awareness and really doing the work?
Dionis Rodriguez: I think there are many things that you can do, but I would, I would recommend two. One is, like I said before, be aware that you have a paradigm and that it controls your emotions, your life, and basically everything that you do, right?
Your decision-making process. Um, and start thinking about why you do the things that you do. Like, if let's just say like, one thing that I do, for example, is like I wanna be punctual all the time. If I'm not punctual, I'm not a happy camper.
Tia Graham: I'm the same as you. I really dislike being late.
Dionis Rodriguez: I hate it. Right. And that's something that my father taught me, right? Like, I really had to think like, why do I get upset like when I'm gonna be late? Like, what, what's the story there? Right? And it’s something that goes back to when I was a kid and my father teaching me punctuality.
But what happens, for example, like in everyday life is, you know, when it's like 7:30 in the morning and I'm thinking the kids are gonna be late to school. I would start getting anxious and I would, you know, my voice is gonna, you know rise and, you know, I'll change the mood.
You go from like a positive situation to a negative situation really quick, because I don't like to be late. So being really thoughtful and trying to take a look at why you do the things that you do in your everyday life can unearth a lot of things. A lot of self-awareness.
Tia Graham: And it looked like you gotta pause and look back. Like what? Like when you said, oh, my dad. Oh, like I'm creating this anxiousness in the morning with my kids right now. But then you were going back and like being being a detective, like where did this come from?
Dionis Rodriguez: Right? Because of something that, that happened when you were little at home. Like it all goes back to those habits, right? Um, it's all like embedded in our paradigm. But the other thing that I think is super important is that, you know, there, there's I think vulnerability, having discussions, right?
with people that you love. With your wife or with your best friend or whomever about things that happen in life can, allow you to really understand yourself a lot more. A lot of us have, you know, a fear of being vulnerable, or to say things that may be uncomfortable, but that's really the only way to get self-awareness is to, to talk about the things that scare us, the things that worry us when we make mistakes. You know, sitting down
Tia Graham: Yeah. The things we're not proud of...
Dionis Rodriguez: The things we're not proud of, Right. One of the things that I started to do when I, when I understood, you know, how powerful self-awareness and, cultivating your paradigm was, is, you know, if I made a mistake, I will come and tell my kids. Be like, listen, I'm sorry that I raised my voice at you, or sorry that I was like rushing out the house and, you know, I made everyone upset in that process, right?
And then I would, I would have those discussions. and then they would understand, right? And, and now we have a much better relationship. But it's sort of like, not only being reactive, but you know, then also acknowledging the mistakes and the things that you're doing so that you create that stronger relationship with the kids.
So, I think communication is extremely important, not only for them to know things about you, but for you to know more stuff about yourself.
Tia Graham: Yes. Yes. So, all of these different experiences starting right, and such an impact of childhood and like you said, where you were born, your socioeconomic status all different, right?
If you're six foot six, like that changes your perspective of the world, just all of these different pieces of our lives. From your own experience, because there's so much research in your book as well, how much can people shift their paradigm? Right? If you know how, like obviously you hear incredible stories, like someone that comes to mind is like Oprah Winfrey, right?
If you think about her childhood and her experiences and what she created and why, I'm talking about like fame, right? I'm just like what she created. That's a massive shift from childhood to adulthood. But yeah, for someone who's, I don't know, 43 years old, How much can you shift and change and change the, cuz when you, when you change the glasses, you're changing your own reality, right?
Dionis Rodriguez: A hundred percent. So, to answer your question specifically, I think you can change it as much as you wanna change it. Right? Like the minute that you acknowledge that you have this power that you are responsible for how you see the world, right? When you become self-aware of that, then I think you have the ability to change it however you see it fit.
The way that I look at a paradigm is, you know, if you live out in the suburbs the way that I do, we all have a garden and you can either choose to cultivate it and make it beautiful, or you ignore it, right? Like if you have a paradigm and a history and you ignore it, then it's gonna control you. Right? But if you have a garden and you cultivate it, then you control it.
So the ability to shift your paradigm is a hundred percent, uh, possible and realistic. And anyone can do it. Uh, but they first need to make that decision to actually go through the process. I'm not saying that it's easy. It's a trial and error process. It's gonna take Nothing is easy. No. You may fail a, a bunch of times, but it's, you know, when you have a garden, you have to continue to weed it all the time. You have to like focus in different areas. What do you want here and there, right? I call it a, a lifelong journey of self-discovery.
But then you know that you're working towards something and you're trying to get to a specific destination versus just reacting to, you know, to life. Right?
Tia Graham: Because as humans, it does feel, I mean, as a parent, as entrepreneur, as someone work, you know, wife, et cetera, it does feel like many, a lot of the time, life happens to us. There's things happening to us, right? And, with this belief, idea, and action of you can continuously cultivate, you can continuously change one, it's empowering, but it's also then, and, Dr. Tal Ben Shahar, who I studied happiness with, you know, it's also the, you know, or there's this responsibility, right?
And I think, um, when you talked about, I think it's Dr. Barrett, the new neuroscience of emotions right in there too. It’s like, yeah, you create your emotions. Everything isn't just happening to you. Um, and that acknowledgement of how much of a player or a part we are in what's happening, you know, I think is really, really, really important.
And, and it's in a way it can be easier to, to not go do the work. Would you agree for some?
Dionis Rodriguez: I think that it is so much easier to not do the work. I mean, it's a scary thing to, you know, dig inside yourself for why you're doing things, because it is so much work and yeah, the work never stops. Right. That's the thing.
And, and to your point, you know, you acknowledge it and then you make yourself responsible for it. And once you make yourself responsible for it, then you need to continuously do the work. Right? It never really goes away, but, you know, once you do that, you, you know, it's not then, then you're not just reacting to life, you're creating a life that you love.
Right?
Tia Graham: Creating a life that you love.
Dionis Rodriguez: You know, and then, and you know, we all, uh, you know, I've been in situations or, you know, many, many times of my life where like, I'm like really, really missing purpose. Well, that's because I'm not being intentional and I'm not being responsible for, you know, for, for how I see the world or for the emotions that I have.
I'm running away from myself in a sense, right? I have to dial or I have some trauma that, that I'm not acknowledging and I'm not addressing by having discussions and making sure that I fully understand what happened, right. So, we, it's sort of, you know, create blind spots for ourself that we're running away from, that we don't wanna acknowledge. But, if you're intentional and you make yourself responsible for it, then I think, you know, it can, it can lead to happiness and to help other people and to purpose and to, you know, having a much more fruitful and value added life.
Tia Graham: Value added life. Yes. Yeah, I've been doing so much inner work. I mean, I have been on this journey, oh, definitely over the last six years, but a lot in the last 18 months as well. And, um, the awareness and recognition that when there are events that happen, a lot of times it's their family events that happen and my body is filled with fear and anxiety. But really, if I'm honest with myself, it's fear, right? There's fear and, um, but my reaction, what I create actually is anger. But when I pause after and I reflect, I'm like, no, it's not anger, it's fear. Like I'm, and, and I find, and what I realized is, oh, being angry, that's easy.
That's actually like, in a way, like a cop out. It's like, oh, it's easy to be where it's like, if you, if you pause and go, I'm terrified as a human as a mom. Um, but it's so much more valuable to not get angry and, you know, but Yeah. And it's like, I see it as reps. It's like the more you do it instead of reacting, you pause, you know, and just create space. Okay. What is actually happening right now? Um, and of course I can totally relate it so much is programmed back to childhood.
Dionis Rodriguez: You know, it's funny because, you know, I have this chart in the book. It's, it's called, you know, um, negative Emotional Outputs, right? And it, yeah. When you talk about like all those negative feelings that you have, bitterness, jealousy, hate, right? Like judgment. Bias, they all come down to fear. Yes. At the end of the day, it comes down to fear, but as a human being, it's really difficult for us to say I'm afraid to acknowledge it to ourselves. Yeah. But think about how much power there is there. If you say, oh, I'm jealous because I'm afraid. Right?
What does that lead to? Well, have a discussion, right, and talk about that fear with your partner, whatever that fear is, and you can really create something amazing and strengthen a relationship if you choose to be vulnerable. Right? Instead of like running from the fear and saying, doesn't this you, you, you face it head on…
Tia Graham: And don't try to be tough, right? It's like, yeah. Like you said, the vulnerability, and this is so valuable for whether it's with your boss, with your business partner, with someone on your team, or your spouse or kids, right? It's like all, when those, when those emotions come, it like, it's information, right?
But it's, it's, it's so easy for us, like you said, to react that we're just programmed that way to just. To just react.
Dionis Rodriguez: We're, I guess that's the genetic side that you were talking about as well. Right? But you know, this is great for you personally, individually. It's great for your family and of course it's great for your career and your job, right?
Because when we all operate from that place of, I'll call it courage versus fear. Right? Like we, we have an ability to be a lot more successful, to have better relationships, to be more productive. Like, there's so much that emerges from that.
Tia Graham: Yes, and everyone listening, Dionis is a highly successful individual. He knows what he is talking about and um, listen to, write down every single word he's saying. So, the last question I have for you, and you touched on it, but I was gonna ask you about it anyway, is judgment. All humans, you know, there is this judge, this inner critic, let's call it, and we judge ourselves and we judge others. And you know, it's, that's not a powerful, happy aligned, um, yeah, empowered place to be. So what is your advice for, for people listening who have a very loud, chatty judge inside their brain that is constantly being critical of them and then, you know, the judging of other human beings. What advice do you have there?
Dionis Rodriguez: So, early on I said we are meaning making machines. Yeah. We're meaning. Judging making machines, every single one of them. It's in an evolutionary imperative. Like we had to judge so much more like hundreds of thousands of years ago just to survive.
Right? That it's just part of our makeup. Uh, but you know, one thing to keep in mind is that when you judge, that's just the tip of the iceberg, right? It'll go down to fear as well. Right. And judging, a judgment, is sort of like, you know, totally an incomplete way to make a decision. If you have a judgment, you have to like really explore what, why am I judging, right?
And really see what's underneath that judgment so that you can have a full picture and then make a decision. A lot of us, or most of us, actually, most humans, they judge and then they decide based on the judgment, right? But we need to judge, we need to figure out why we're judging and then make a decision.
Because we're all very biased, right? Like, you know, we, every single human being out there is biased. We see someone, they're too short. Too heavy, too dark, too whatever, and a judgment just comes up right away. And we make a decision on that basis, right? Because, we, you know, how we grew up, our parents, television, the news, so many different reasons, right?
Yes. So it's really important for us to stop ourselves, understand why we're judging, then, you know, before making a decision. And then eventually with complete information, make a decision. Otherwise, we're, you know, the life can be pretty chaotic if we're just making decisions on the basis of judgment. Judgments that are just the tip of the iceberg.
Tia Graham: Right. Right, and not connecting to our true selves. Right. If we're judging ourselves. So it's a reminder again that, pausing and reflection of, if you find yourself in a place of judging, you find it's either judgmental of yourself or others.
It's to pause and go, okay, how come, what's going on? And, and that, yeah, self-awareness. Okay. I gotta get one more bonus question in. What is your most useful, or your most powerful, happiness habit. What do you do that you think contributes a lot to you? Feeling happy and feeling well?
Dionis Rodriguez: Haha, I think I have two answers.
It's like I'm the, I'm a planner, so I need something to look forward to. Okay. So for the family vacations, I love to plan and to like look forward to vacations. It makes me happy.
Tia Graham: Research supports that!
Dionis Rodriguez: Especially when I'm going like internationally, like Europe or something like that. I absolutely love it.
Um, but the second thing is, you know, renewal is so essential for us right. To, to, to be happy, to create good emotions and to be productive. So, um, working out, I do jiu-jitsu and I go as much as I can right. To get hat energy out and sleeping. Yeah, sleeping has been my superpower for as far back as I, as I can remember.
If I can, uh, give the credit for anything that I've done, uh, to one specific area. I would say sleep. Like, even in college, I would always go to bed at a specific time, make sure that I had enough sleep and that would allow me to, to focus, to be happy and to do all of that. So if I'm in, if I'm not in a good mood, it's probably cuz I didn't sleep well, right?
So, again, sleeping is a superpower.
Tia Graham: Yes, sleeping is Oh, Dionis, thank you so much. Uh, everyone again, please go out and grab Dionis’ book, Shift Your Paradigm, uh, connect with him on LinkedIn. And thank you so much Dionis, for coming on the Arrive at Happy Show.
Dionis Rodriguez: Thank you, Tia. This was so much fun. Very much appreciated.