Tools to Deal With Negative People

Barbara Fredrickson, Ph. D. is one of the leading Positive Psychologists and researchers. I have just finished reading her book, Positivity, and is shares her research on how to embrace the strength of your pleasant emotions and how to overcome negativity. One section of the book that I found very useful was how to deal with negative people. 

One of my “guiding life rules” has always been to limit the amount of time that I spend around people that have negative or draining energy. I have always been very affected by this type of energy and find it extremely difficult to be around. We all have people in our life who affect us in this way and here are some tools that you can use to support you having more “happy” emotions. 

1.     Modify the situation.

Ask yourself these questions and answer honestly. Is there any way that I inadvertently feed this person’s negativity?, Am I to any degree closed down when we interact? and What assumptions do I make about this person? As Barbara writes, we all prejudge others from now and then and it can be very useful to look at how you are approaching this person in your interactions. You can then try approaching the person with warmth and openness, change the activities that you are doing together, and do not respond with more negativity.

2.     Attend differently.

Think about the positive aspects of this person, what do you appreciate about them, and what does he/she bring to the table? Consider to how you could communicate what you appreciate about this person in your life. Relationship science proves that where you choose to focus your words and attention will grow over time.

3.     Change the meaning.

Could this person in your life be a teacher for you? Can you reframe the relationship as a challenge for you? When you can bring in mindfulness and not stoop to a negative level, you will always come out on top.

I hope these tools are helpful to you, as they certainly are for me. One of the hardest things about life is when you are in difficult parts of your relationships, whether it be a family member, friend, or someone at work. We can all choose how we show up every day. I am committed to showing up with appreciation, grace, and humility.